The Devil's in the Devotion
by FantabulouslyExtraordinary
Summary: Emma tries to sort through her feelings for Regina, but can't quite fathom the depths of her own devotion. FTL.


**Disclaimer**: These characters are not mine. Believe me, if they belonged to me or any other member of the Swan Queen Nation SwanQueen would be cannon so SO fast….

**A/N**: So… I wasn't sure I was really gonna post anything else, but then life got super angsty really fast, so now that angst is being imparted onto you, dear reader. Enjoy. This is not betaed, all mistakes are my own… They are not yours, they are my own… Ok, sorry, don't even know where that came from…. I don't even know what song those lyrics are from to be perfectly honestly, nor do I know why I know them. After twelve years of formal schooling do I know how to use a comma? Heck no.

Emma never quite understood why she felt these things. Sometimes she thought she understood her feelings, but at other times she was at a complete loss. Even though everyone was more or less safely returned to the fairy tale realm everyone still thought of Regina as evil. Despite this notion having permeated throughout the land, no one dared cross the "Evil Queen." Between her magic, her army and having the revered "White Knight" (As they had begun to call Emma, to her slight chagrin.) as her protector all forms of rebellion in Regina's kingdom and abroad were quickly squashed. Emma was well aware that more or less all of Fairy Tale Land still considered Regina to be evil and if she were perfectly honest with herself Emma could frequently see why that was such a prevalent suspicion, however, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't prevent herself from loving her queen.

Emma never quite understood why she did these things. Regina frequently asked favours of her "White Knight." The simple requests were usually posed as demands, "Swan, hand me my ridding crop." "Princess, see to it that Henry gets to bed on time." "Ms. Swan, make arrangements for a carriage to arrive at 8:30 sharp. I've an important meeting and if this carriage is late I will be holding you personally responsible." Her more… Difficult… Requests usually went something like, "Emma, dear, would you mind terribly going and slaying this vicious dragon for me?" "Emma, darling, would it be too much trouble for you to go negotiate a treaty with these trolls who've been problematic as of late?" "Emma, sweetheart, could you go into the enchanted forest, find the patch of mushrooms that grows by the southern wolf den and collect them for me? By the way, be sure not to touch them at any point in time, they'll melt your skin instantly. Safe travels my love, don't forget your riding cloak." Emma always made a point of protesting at first, it didn't matter how weak the protest clearly was, at least if she said something like, "I have a riding lesson today and then sword wielding training…" or "But I'll die…" she could at least tell herself that she had TRIED to avoid the inevitable and pretend she retained a modicum of pride. No matter what she always ended up comply with her queen's requests. Regina could be perfectly relentless if she wished to be and despite herself Emma, was vividly aware that she would do anything for her queen, even lay down her life if necessary, simply to please her.

Emma never quite understood why it stung so badly. The slight rejection; the entirely too dismissive acknowledgement Regina granted her upon completing a task. It was as if she was a dog and praise was a treat reserved for only the highest of accomplishments. Emma didn't know why she yearned so badly for the recognition of her queen. She couldn't figure out why some days the only thing in the world that mattered was that Regina took the time to tell her that she liked having her around. Emma hated that she based all of her happiness on one person. Her life of living without attachment had taught her that this was a very slippery slope she was attempting to navigate. She hated the pathetic feeling that settled in her gut after Regina left a room, leaving Emma to dwell on the shame she felt for never standing up for what she wanted. Emma knew she deserved to win sometimes, but she also knew that for her, winning was seeing Regina happy, watching as her face lit up with delight, hearing her laugh… It hurt, though, that Regina knew she had Emma at her disposal. Her Majesty was blatantly aware that she had her Swan wrapped around her little finger and she utilized this… Tool, whenever possible. They were both very aware of the situation; the deep seated love that Emma displayed for Regina and Regina's inability to return anything more than the appreciation of her affection. Neither of them ever broached the subject, however. Emma, for her part, was too terrified of ruining what little of Regina she was allowed to worship to ever confront her queen about her strong feelings.

Emma never quite understood how she did it. How Regina could turn her to jelly with a simple look. How she could set her whole body aflame with a single word and a well placed smirk. How she could melt her heart with a solemn plea. How Regina could ask anything of Emma and Emma would throw her very soul into the task just to receive some form of approval in return. Sure, she could be bossy as hell and many people still referred to her as the "Evil Queen," but Emma saw something else, something deeper. She saw a scared, hurt little girl who needed to be nurtured and cared for. A woman who needed to be shown the love she never knew. That was the Regina she had found herself falling madly in love with. It was that small part of Regina; that slightly obscured version that compelled her to put up with all of the rest of what came with the woman. The hate, the rumors, the rejection, the pain, the loneliness, the feelings of insignificance, they all became worth it just to be able to show her queen that she meant something to someone, that she wasn't alone, that she was worthy of love. Every so often Regina would divulge to Emma a piece of her past or disclose a bit of what she was feeling and Emma would take it to mean that Regina was slowly beginning to trust her, bit by bit. In reality Emma couldn't be certain that Regina wasn't just baiting her to insure that she stayed and remained under her queen's control; that possibility hardly mattered though. The simple fact was that Regina never had to take Emma's heart; Emma had given it over to her freely and without complaint.


End file.
